crazy-raver's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Awakening Oy. I went on quite the adventure. It began with a question. A friend of mine came to visit from Las Vegas. My brother asked me if I would like to come with him to visit said friend. Without a thought I said "Yes." I gathered my basics. My satchel. Wallet. Phone. Hat. Jacket. Didn't bother to fix my hair or wear some socks, because its my friend, who do I gots to impress? We drive out and meet said friend. We meet up at a movie theater and started to make some small talk. They ask if I want to hang out for a couple days. I threw caution to the wind and said "Sure whats the worst thats going to happen." They decided to go camping. We got some booze and I began to think this is going to be a strange night. I accompanied them in their car. Aaron asks if I want to drop acid. I flip a coin. (ting) (woosh-woosh-woosh) (splat) Its a go. They convinced me that If I were to do it I might as well get the full effect and I take two doses. It was settled I would drop some acid. They would be my sitters. I took it sublingually, hidden under my upper lip. I held it there for the whole car ride to the campsite. Within fifteen minutes I could feel my pupils start to dilate. Lights and colors became more intense, and I felt a tingling sensation in my legs. When we got to the parking area next to the campsite, they asked me if I spat it out yet. I replied with silence, because the built up saliva made it difficult to talk. I relinquished the mouth full of saliva on to a tree. I felt like I was a Poke'mon, it was pretty awesome. I could hear the waves on the lake. Its repetitive beats crashed against the shore. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I could feel the L start to take in effect. Sam turned on the head lights of the car and created shadows that showed a whole new realm beyond the wooded area. Trees began to pulsate and the tree tops began to claw a the clouds, all the while the wind grew quiet. I could feel the air caress my body but it did not generate sound. I looked towards the two as they gathered equipment. I felt like a bat. My hearing became more astute. It felt like I had the ability of echo location. Then. "Fudge..." I said to myself. The intensity of auditory hallucination grew by the minute. The two started to generate after images. Spots on the ground started to swell. "Yup. It's starting" I said calmly. At this time they had everything prepared. Backpacks on and flashlights in hand, we began our trek in the darkness. We started down the hill to the shore. My vision started getting blurry. I could not see the ground anymore. They dry grass and bushes were just suspended in mid air. I carefully made my way down, but knew I would not be able to trust myself in a few moments. I called out for Sam to lend me a shoulder because my vision was starting to go. I held on his shoulder as we headed down the hill, when suddenly he stopped. My eyes jolted towards the sky and I gazed at the dancing stars. I took a breathe, and slowly my senses came back for a brief moment. I was staring across the lake. The slate colored sky outlined the lake with silver accents. The repetitive crash of the waves washed everything away. Literally. My reality began to wash away. The image of the city lights and forests on the opposite end of the lake would slowly fade in to the lake until all that was left was the shore I was standing on and the endless fathomless body of water that stood on the edge of existence. Fuck. I knew I was still holding on to him, but I could no longer see the two. I began to move forward and all I could do was stare down the shore and across the silvery black water. This whole time the journey felt like I was reliving my life. Memories came flooding back, reliving them one after another. Truthfully it made me feel worthless. I was told along the way I stopped. I took out my first aid kit and brought out a band aide. They asked what I needed that for, and I responded with the word "damaged". They said that there was nothing wrong with me and I began to feel like there was never anything ever wrong with me. I dropped the band aide and we continued forward. I began to question my whole existence. How am I? What am I? Who am I? I began to analyze what makes me who I am. I began to slowly break myself down. I am made up of particles. I am a mass of energy. I am my fathers son. I am my mothers son. I am the brother of 6 siblings. I am one who feels joy and pain. I am me. Then one last time I asked myself "Who am I?" I would hear Aaron respond, "What if you don't exist?" This is were shit hits the fan. It literally goes White. Memories start flooding out of me as I fade out of this realm. I remember what seems like multiple dimensions. Living other lives and seeing other peoples experiences. I finally felt at peace and I felt like I could finally let myself go. I could release all the baggage. I let it go. I don't know what part of me I let go, but honestly I don't care. It's gone, for better or worst its gone. I let go. I started to come back. Traveling back in to my body felt like reliving and re-experiencing my life in another persons body, even though they were my memories this time. Has my outlook changed that much? I came back in my body in waves. Until it felt like I was finally back in my bones. WTF! WTF?! WTF??!?!?! Those were my words upon returning to my trip. "Welcome Back," they said. At that time it felt like my eyes were finally open. It felt like I was finally me. It felt like everyone in the world was feeling this way, living life with this knowledge, and I finally stumbled upon it. I felt transformed. In my head I thought "So this is how happiness feels like." As a symbolic gesture I tossed my hat in to the fire, a new ~good has risen I felt then just like how I feel now like this was a major victory. I think It may be gone for a while. That was just day one. I'll continue later Goodnight ladies and gentlemen, ~good 11:32 p.m. - 2013-05-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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