crazy-raver's Diaryland Diary

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Mama's entry

It's getting early.

I went to bed around 1 AM, thinking some meds would do me good. I slept for an hour, but at least my migraine is gone.

It's calming down a bit, but the situation isn't getting any better. The family is staying quiet about things, but I can still hear that stress and anxiety in their voices.

Everyone has someone to talk to but my mother and myself. I should probably get on that. Yes.

It goes deeper than that. Now that I think about it, I know I didn't want to think about it. She's been going to the hospital off and on for a couple years now. Nothing major just mild fevers, flu like symptoms, or just for aches and pains. I never really thought much of it. Actually, I do. She's so quick to say she's ill, and always looking for a cure for something that she may have. The solution would almost always be herbal remedies. Some bark of a rare tree, the root of an old plant, dried mysterious leaves, powdered "idunnowth". I'd be stuck worrying about what she'd be taking and end up looking for any documented evidence of its effectiveness or active chemicals that might be harmful to her.

But when the tables are turned...I'm usually in so much pain or the symptoms are so annoying that I don't ask questions. Ha! Dang you ~good, your quite the bitch.

Recently she's been seeing a specialist. Things might actually be pretty severe. When she went through menopause, she had her uterus removed. It wasn't until recently we found out that her ovaries were not removed during that time. That was the cause of some the pain that she had experienced in previous years. So she's to go in to surgery to have them removed. Through further testing they discovered cysts developing on one of her kidneys. The blood work showed she didn't have cancer, but they want to take tissue samples. There's a chance she may have cancer.

I don't know how much this is weighing on her. I don't know if she wants to talk about this. With the recent events of last week, I'm worried about how her body will deal with the stress.

She's pretty hardy. Losing her first husband during the war, losing my older brother at age 8, watching my father slowly wither away for 11 years, and finally having my sister suddenly taken away. I don't know how she does it.

Huh, Mother's Day just around the corner. Must be a subconscious thing.

Here's some love.

All I can do now is be there for her when she needs assistance and be the type of son she named me to be "~good".

That'll do for now,

Tomorrow's the big day...I'll fill you in on that later.

~good

6:22 a.m. - 2014-04-30

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