crazy-raver's Diaryland Diary

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Yo,

Im not confused at all.

I had a long talk with Nilaphay last night. It was hard. She doenst like to be compared, all girls to like to be compared, all people generally dont like to be compared to another whos better than they are.

I really dont have a plan out for my self. No real future that I see coming. No concrete goals. I just have the general things, Get a wife, have some kids, get a job, buy a house, own a car, raise children, live a good life. I find my self unmotivated. I know I have a girl, and she is wonderful. I truly love her more than I love my self. But love isnt supposed to be anything that can be compared to. With many options of monetary gain, emotional, or even mental gain, many people would choose monetary. It is safer. I talked with Nilaphay and saw that I ruined her dreams. My selfish acts of selflessness. I thought of my her to think of my self. Doing things for her to gain in favor of my self. No matter any way around it. There will always be a will to oppose what one would say over any matter of opinion. Girls do not listen to logic. They say it so it must be true. Seeing things like this make me wonder what side I am on. Darkness or Light. There is a middle ground or neutrallity but what will that get you. Not winning or not losing, doesnt really matter aslong you understand them.....is that really true? I understand what they say does that mean they win? The opinion has come across I have accecpted the opinion in to many various anwsers that may be considered correct. Doesnt that conclude a victory? Why would it matter to win when winnning means losing? Its all so frustrating. Sometimes I feel like Giving Up. Giving Up on things like this and much more of that. Then there are always your loved ones. (sigh) I hate to see others think of themselves by the view of another person.

The darkside is unforgiving. Although your time there may be brief you will be remembered for your actions and not what you believe or think. Think throughly and carefully, eventually every one "will" be tied down. Dont let the past affect the future and dont let the future affect the present. Even thought I know its Impossible, They will always affect your actions subconsciously.

The light isnt any better. Always worrying of things to come to the present, never worrying about the present. Always being there for someone does take a toll for both sides. Always willing to recieve and give. Listening and listening well, to do a good act, only to get nothing for it but a simple thank you. Yet that thank you makes it worth while. It feels like your talking to the one that you love for 3 hours only to end the conversation with "I Love You" and thats all. It feels like it was worth the wait.


Well, have fun on the dark side guys. Maybe Ill see you guys soon, maybe not.

Chung

2:36 p.m. - 2006-12-22

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