crazy-raver's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Awakening.....out of darkness Yo, Well, Most of you guys know that I undergo a bout called Major Depression. I see its well recognizable, but today its hitting me pretty hard. Its just that I'm feelin' down and I just cant muster the energy to do anything. Recently my cousin Paul died. I didnt "know" him but he was family. He died at age 22. He had downsyndrome. The fact that he died did not make me sad. Its just the the fact that he impacted so many people made it sad. I did not cry when I was his "paul" bearer(sorry for the pun". I didnt cry when we buried him. I saw others cry that really didnt understand him, but understand the situation. Nilaphay is sleeping here right next to me. She studied really hard for a test that will be taken at 9:30 today. She got mad at me for not cooking for her while she was studing. She knocked down a chair and broke a leg thingy for the bottom I dont know what they are called. I tossed a knife in the sink to tell her to cease the yelling. She got over it and I cooked for her. We talked about what why we were mad at each other, later we both apologized and went on as normal. Shes still alittle sick and that yelling was too good for her. I keep telling her to drink some OJ and not to eat too many savory foods. I just feel down. I dont really know why. It could be my current acedemic state. I read the policies about me have depression and if it causes my grades to plumit. It could cause a forced withdraw of me from the school. Im not doing so hot in my classes. I dont really want to do anything in the summer. I dont even want to go to school any more. I really dont know what to do. Im to nice when it comes to handling busisness stuff. I dont have that killer instinct. I really lack the motivation to do anything. I think about the future and its really not enough to energize me. I some times want to be a writer. I know im creative and what not, but I just dont know if I really am in to writing. Not to mention I do also have a readying disability. I know I didnt have a huge problem with classes until I got that paper discussing my "condition". I really think that having the paper really influenced me to behave like what I was told. I really hate that. When I wake up I will try to change things. I will know that I am not depressed. I will know that I do not have a reading problem I just cant read good. I went home and saw my cousins. Andrew has a girlfriend and also working at Vermeer. I saw Josh and hes working at Midwest Sanitation. I saw Abe and found out why he dropped out. I also saw chris and he seems to be doin good but thats just what he seems. My minds a real jumble. I keep thinking and random thoughts jump to my head. From here on its what every I think..... Lotion is standing be sidesme. My computer seems to doing fine. Damn that scared me. Room mate just came back. Hes not to cool though. Not like my other room mate.........Man, my back is killing my I really....uh oh nilaphay is waking up...I hope she doesnt wake up ...my leg is fallin a sleep. My unlce wants me to help research his hmong medicine. I dont know if it will work but I guess i will help out. I dont want to give him a sense of false hope. Nilaphay is looking nice to night. I didnt know Lindley raps.....Well i haven't talked to chuck in a while same with Vee. Saw alex the other day with his playstion 2...my ear is itchy....... Well that helped out a little bit with the jumbled thoughts... Thats all for now. Laters guys and gals. Chung 1:43 a.m. - 2006-04-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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